theaikidad

Aikido, Parenting and Everything in Between

Talk to the Hand!

Talk to the Hand!

Harry sensei is very particular with how your hands ‘should’ be. Can anyone guess which is the ‘right’ kind of open hand for practising Aikido?

There is no wrong or right answer, some schools teaches this some school teaches that, but Harry sensei is very specific and often nagged at us for going into our default hand.

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Default hand

He says that the ‘default hand’ is soft, and while he didn’t say that it is ‘wrong’ he did say that ki cannot flow. it will be stuck at the palms, or worse, wrist, elbow or shoulder. This is soft, and he doesn’t want soft aikido. Soft aikido has no life.

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Aikido hand

Harry sensei constantly reminds us to keep our hands extended and relaxed, like pictured above. He says this way, the hand is extended ki can flow underneath the pinky. such hands is not ‘stuck’ nor it is soft, but when we encounter a partner who gripped our hands tight, the tension in the grip around the wrist will cause the ligaments and muscles inside to get pulled and close the palm. Hence focus on keep the palms open and extended helps us counter that collapse and open the wrists to movement and oppose the constriction.

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Fingers will start to curl under a tight grip

While there is no scientific proof that opening the hands like how Harry sensei suggested can improve ‘ki’ flow, he has however demonstrated in every lesson how he can displace a younger stronger person. simply by opening the hand.

He says he walks like that too, with the hands extended and like us, he sometimes forgets and goes into the default hand.

Different dojo teaches different ways of extension and how your hands should open, some may not find it effective doing what Harry sensei suggested, but it is a way he has discovered that allows him to train and still consistently displace his students.

While I am still on the way to discovering my own Aikido journey, there are certain truths to Harry sensei’s way of open hand. With his teaching on how the hand should be held open, I am able to extend and displace my partners, and not just get stuck at the point of the grasp.

United we Stand, Divided we Fall

Harry sensei also advise against us, opening out our palms like that. He wants us to keep all the fingers close, like sticking together, instead of spreading them apart, where the ki will dissipate into 5 different directions. He often says ‘United we stand, divided we fall’. as an analogy to explain why we need to keep the fingers together.

Ki as a water hose

He explained that ki is like a water hose that flows out from our hands, and not having the correct hand extension, restricts the ki at a specific spot, the wrist, elbows or even the shoulders. Proper extension would mean that you can extend beyond the physical limits of your hands. Improper extension, he describes as a runaway hose, out of control, spraying water all over the place.

We all need to bring that hose into our control and that can only be done by understanding ki flows from the under hand, through the pinky.

Hitchhiking

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Hitchhiking thumb

Of  course that is not the only way, he has also shown the hitchhiking hand gesture. And used the thumb to stab towards the direction he wants to go. He is able to direct the energy through his fingers and you will follow, holding his hands, going wherever he wants you to go, and more often the trip ends up with me on the mat.

 

 His logic of explaining direction and ki flow is quite normal and seems like an everyday thing. However in the dojo, in practice we all seem to be caught up in the habit of overdoing it, and making things worse, instead of simply listening to his instructions.

 

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Knowing and labeling your medication

Knowing and labeling your medication

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Dear Boys,

You need to know your meds when you grow up. A lot of people I know, colleagues, friends and families do not know their meds. Some only know piriton as the ‘little yellow pill that makes you drowsy’. Others only know Panadol, or Ponstan as pain killers, and other generic association to medicine.

If you boys are adults and you are self medicating, then that is fine, the probability of ‘OD’ or overdosing yourself is quite minimal with over the counter (OTC) medicines. But if you have your own kids and you are medicating them, then it is important to know your meds and what you are giving the children.

I don’t remember how we started this, but since Ian’s time we have a habit of writing down a couple of things:

1-The type of meds

2-The time we gave the meds

3-The dosage

4- The temperature, if you boys are running a fever

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An example of an entry in our medical diary

This helps us keep track of the types of meds we have to give and the timing. We also knew that you can mix a certain kind of ‘fever’ medicine. For example, when your boys have high fever, we can give the slower acting Nurofen which will only take into effect after an hour’s time, we can also give Panadol, which is another class of painkiller, about 2 hours after we have given Nurofen. So with a book we can track what was given and if the temperature went down.

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Knowing your meds.

You need to know your meds, and what works best for you and what doesn’t. At our age and time it is impossible for you not to know your meds, all you need to do is go on Google and you can find out what this meds does and the potential side effect. Of course not everything you read on the net is real, so we usually cross check it with a couple of medicine site, and of course, Wikipedia.

It also helps to know your meds and engages your doctor when you go to the clinic, so don’t just be a patient, be an educated patient and get to know your medicine well.

Getting educated in medicine is part and parcel of becoming a parent. It is our responsibility to feed you boys the meds so that the both of you gets well. We take this healer role very seriously and sometimes it can be a challenge feed the both of you, and when you were babies, there were vomits to clean and we have to handle some side effects of the meds.

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Promethazine causes soft stools!

Medication when travelling

We will always, always bring the necessary medication when we go abroad. And your dad is usually the ‘medic’ of the family, who carries the meds. It is important that we have your meds ready, well, at least the more common ones for allergies, cold and fever.

Penang Hives

The Anti-Histamine came in useful one afternoon during our trip to Penang 2 yeas ago. We were out walking in the afternoon, and for no reason, Wayne had hives and we need to get back to the hotel quickly to get medication. While the rest of the afternoon was spent in the hotel room for the medication to work, and Wayne to get some rest, it was a good testament of packing our meds for the trip.img20170531152309.jpg

At the end of the day, this is part of parenting, and we are used to it, taking medications as adults can be a no brainer, but we wouldn’t want to take a chance when it comes to giving medicine to kids, as the slightest wrong does can be a very big problem for children. It is better that we educate and arm ourselves with the right information so that when we need it, we will know what to do.

One on One-An Interview

I still keep this little black magazine commemorating the 15th Anniversary of Aikikai(Singapore) dated 18th September 1995, which I guess was about the time I started Aikido.

This is an interview with Harry Sensei, typed out word for word, in true fidelity.

“One on One -An Interview with Harry Ng Sensei, Chief Instructor, Aikikai (Singapore)”

Q- Sensei, how long have you been practising Aikido?

A: I started when I was twenty-two or twenty-three, so it must be more than thirty years by now. In the early 1960’s I used to practice 3-4 hrs a day. That went on for about 4 years.

Q- How did you get started in Aikido?

A: During those days, I used to go down to the Orchard Road YMCA to exercise. One day I saw an Aikido demonstration by the founder of Aikido Singapore, Nagazono Sensei, and became interested in it. In those days, it was not very popular, and moreover you needed a recommendation from someone to join Aikido. the membership was low, but the fees were high! We paid about $25 and there was a certain period when we paid about $60 per month, and in the 1960’s that was a lot of money! Many members came and went, but only those who loved Aikido stayed on.

Q- Sensei, what are your thoughts on the growth of Aikido since then? Are there any differences in the students of today as compared to those in the past?

A: During those days, we had about 20-30 regular members. We have 3 dojos now and the membership is much larger. We still have members who come and go: Aikido is a martial art that takes time to practice and understand. People like to look for something easy. “instant”. When people join or watch an Aikido performance, they are impressed, and join hoping in a short time to be able to do exactly what they have seen. In that sense, the student of today is no different from the students of the past. They are all looking for a “quick-fix” – achieving a skill with minimum effort.

Q- Sensei, do you have knowledge of the other martial arts?

A: No. I have not really learnt any other martial art. I practiced Tai-chi for a few months, but that was a long time ago. I took it up only because the instructor was a colleague ans well as a friend of mine and the lessons were free!

Q-Why doesn’t Aikido have sporting competitions and tournaments?

A: Aikido is a martial art, not sport. In a competition, in a “you or me” kind of environment, the focus can be limited and narrow. Moreover, Aikido is about harmony. The essence of what the art is about becomes lost if there are competitions.

Q- The most popular topic in Aikido must be ki. Everybody talks about it. Sensei, what is your understanding on the matter.

A: Yes, that’s true. Everybody talks about it. My personal view on the matter is that ki is not so simple to understand. It is more than “internal strength” or power . When mind, body and spirit are harmonised together, the ki will be there. Most practitioners, especially the young, concentrate on the physical aspect, on the mechanics of the throws. When they become older and more matured in their understanding of Aikido they learn that they can no longer compete physically with those younger than them. That’s when they try to develop the mental aspect of the art. Then they realise that even that is not enough, and so they will try to make their Aikido more spiritual. but this is something very hard to talk about, especially to the young.

Ki is like air: you can’t see it, but you can feel it. Ki is also not just about power. All of us, all living things have ki. If you have no ki, you wouldn’t be sitting here talking to me, you’ll be dead! If you want to feel ki, you must take the time to practise and practise and practise.

Q- So how do we know when we are using ki in our practice?

A: When you are very relaxed, and do not tire easily; when you can move and throw your partners easily, that’s using ki. Also, when you can feel and know what your partner is going to do next, and you are prepared for it.

Q- Sensei, what advice do you have for the students of today?

A: They should come and train with their heart and mind and be regular in their training. Just keep on training and they will be strong. Just enjoy the time they are spending in the dojo. In this way they will discover true Aikido.

Q-Finally, Sensei, what would you wish for the future of Aikido in Singapore?

A: I would like to see Aikido becoming more popular in Singapore. All of us who have been involved with Aikido all these years will have the same wish, I’m sure.
The Aikido instructors (including me), in Aikikai (Singapore) are not professionals. They have been sacrificing their time and effort to spread this art. I wish they will continue to play their part in promoting Aikido.

First Published on: Mar 20, 2011

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Supernormal Stimulation-When real is no longer real

I just learned about this ‘super-normal stimulus’ recently and instantly connect to hows and the whys and the contemporary challenges in learning an art like Aikido.

I will no delve on the subject of Supernormal Stimulus, you can read it up at:

“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supernormal_stimulus”

or you can refer to the excellent comics drawn by Stuart McMillen.

“http://www.stuartmcmillen.com/comics_en/supernormal-stimuli/”

Why do I specifically say contemporary challenges?

And when we talk about contemporary, how do I define that?

I guess it all begins with the word ‘super’. And of course the proverbial evil dollar.

I guess, humans, like all biological creatures are endowed with ‘supernormal stimulus’, it is closely linked to our fight/flight response. When we are still not so intellectual to analyse a specific threat, on hindsight, we simply respond.

But when we start to develop language, and start to analyse things, we get recounts like ‘The Sabre tooth tiger’s teeth is BIGGER than my HEAD!” or “the artillery round was BIGGER than my car!” When things gets exaggerated, you know there is something being ‘surprised’ in there.

Why? We need that attention, we need that drama, we need to be captivated by something. Normal mundane life, well, seem like normal mundane life. And when one captivates, one sells more! In our capitalistic world, the more you sell, the rest is history.
Success in life is now very much ‘surprised’. Everything is, and the advertising industry is not helping, in fact they are perpetuating it! Why? It boils down to a marketing term call ‘a share of mind.’ Or a share of whatever you want to call it. This ‘share of Whatchamacallit’ is perceived as a limitation of a human’s ability to absorb the larger picture of things.

So when a stimulus gets ‘surprised’, it hypes us up, and that is exactly what the perpetrators wants, a hyped up sense of being so that they can capture our attention and holds our reality hostage. And a hype gives us a sense of high, and that sense of high gives us a feel good feeling. But that feel good feeling, never feels good for a long period of time. It will become mundane once again, and when that happens, we look for a new high. And another and another, until we become saturated with highs, and we avoid the lows. The higher we gets hyped, the less grounded we become. The less detached we are from reality.

Aikido is as close to reality as you can get. Why is it unique from other arts, is precisely due to its non-competitive nature. When you compete, you stimulate a fight/flight response, things gets suprised. Opponents becomes bigger, we get fixated at finding out their weak moves. We get fixated on winning. Everything else does not mater anymore.

Aikido allows you to be, just be. Attacks are not really attacks but it is mean to give you a reasonable amount of stimulus. But not overly. It is calibrated according to skill levels. And all Aikido moves looked the same, generally a beginner’s irimi nage looks the same as an advanced practitioner’s irimi nage. The only difference is the level of speed and the ‘smoothness’ of the technique. I wouldn’t really consider an Aikido practice as ‘intense’ unless you are in the practice yourself. Anyone observing Aikidokas in practice will seldom describe Aikido as ‘intense’.

There is a reason for Aikido’s design. It is to help us regain our balance. bring our supernormal stimulus back to a manageable manner. Bring attention back to reality. Bring reality back to our lives. The contemporary challenge is that an Aikido class will last, at best, 2 hours. we have another 22 more hours to be super-stimulated. and right now with the world going 24/7 to 24/365, there is no more room in us to find that equilibrium. We perpetuate from one highs to another, and keep on finding issues to relate our identity to. At what costs? To what end?

Aikido is telling us, life. That is all to it. And life is much larger than the supernormal stimulated self, settle down and go to an Aikido class.

First Published on: Feb 18, 2014

Saving water

Dear Boys,

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I decided to put a pail of water for the both of you to bathe. Each of you, a pail of water; well as for Wayne, he gets about 80% filled, since his body mass is so little!

You boys took to it with novelty, and I was worried that you both might be resistant to it.

You see, water is a very precious resource, and once you turn on the tap, those water flowing out, cannot be recovered. (Well, you can, actually, but it does comes with a cost.) What I am trying to drive at is, we all have some bad habits; bathing is one of them. It cannot be helped when water is so readily available. You turn the tap on, clean, drinkable water flows. We never really took it to heart about those save water campaign thing.

Our PUB- Public Utilities Board, constant nagged at us to save water, but do we really? I too have been nagging at the both of you to stop taking long baths, but to no avail. I think this is a common problem in every household unannounced.

So I am glad that you boys like the pail bath idea.

This is nothing new, and people has been bathing like this for ages. And this primitive method works, as long as you stick to one pail, and not top it up after you emptied it.

Sometimes old school ways works and I hope the both of you can remember these ways, and use them constantly to make sure we keep our water usage in check.

My sensei teaches more than Aikido

My sensei teaches more than Aikido

This is the view for me for the past 20-odd years. The irony of my life is that I know my Aikido sensei more than I know my father.

My parents divorced when I was 15. I started Aikido when I was nineteen-ish, and just like that, I’ve spent more than 20 years in Aikido, even longer than I know my wife.

I was never Harry sensei’s ‘favorite’ student. When you trained long enough with him, you know the kind of students he like; and by the virtue of my physique, I’m not his uke by choice. I got to where I am, because I hung around long enough, longer than those ‘better’ students. I got here by attrition, you can say that.

Along the way, I learned quite a few things from my sensei, and without him, I have no Aikido, and no such blog. My mind will not be open, the way he did, gently and patiently. Without his quiet guidance, I won’t be the person I am today.

Loyalty and commitment

It is Harry sensei’s bragging rights. He trained incessantly, 50 years, Mondays to Fridays; these days. Back in those days, he trained 7 days a week, 4 hours. These days who can say they did what he has done, 50 years and counting? He mentioned in his soft voice, he only stopped Aikido twice, once for his mother’s death, for a month, the other time he did, I didn’t catch what he said.

While many people can and like to mention lineage, to soup up their own dojo’s marketing prowess, mentioning that they trained under who and who and which and which Japanese Shihan, Harry sensei simply mentioned that his sensei is the late Teddy Lee sensei, He took the helm from his sensei, and continue to practice Aikido, the way his sensei taught him.

I’ve never heard him trained under anyone else, perhaps with Nakazono sensei, who first brought Aikido to Singapore. More importantly he has never failed to mention his sensei, he has never forgotten his sensei and the teachings. That is his loyalty, and he don’t give a f**k about winning the popularity contest.

He is committed to Aikido, and still comes to class, rain, shine, good health or otherwise. He just mentioned today he had a bout of shingles. Had he not mentioned, we wouldn’t have known, he is still as fit and ki still flows from his fingers. He is committed to teaching and it doesn’t matter if one student turns up or none. Of course he will berate us for being absent, but he knows our commitments and he never asks more from us, but he continuously gives us his commitment, more than we can ever accept.

Family and Sacrifice

The world is fair, there is only 24 hours, Harry sensei is no exception. While he devoted his time to Aikido, his wife has to suffer, his children has to suffer. He will miss their important dates, significant milestones. All for Aikido. He was never there for them in the evening, by the time he got home after training, his kids would have been asleep, the next day, he would have to go to work.

After 50 years, there is no way to reclaim them back. he has to choose, and he sacrificed his family time.

Harry sensei got to become Harry sensei, because he did what he did. His success showed me how not to be a whole person. My family needs me, just as much as I need my Aikido. It is never an easy decision, and I learned to follow my heart.

Sometimes I have to sacrifice Aikido for my family, and Harry sensei would understand where my priorities are.

Regret and Fate

Time has been spent, it cannot be recovered. We spoke briefly, and Harry sensei agreed he was very ‘lucky’, his children and wife stuck by him, although he did mention that his wife is getting even with him these days, after so many years of neglect.

Call it fate or luck his wife didn’t leave him and took his children along. His children are still filial to him. His grandchildren still buys things for him, when they travel overseas. Things could have gone awry for him, his children could have rebelled, as technically speaking, he wasn’t really clocking his time as a dad. As a dad myself, I know had I done what Harry sensei did, my wife would have to pick things up in my absence, and double hat my role.

As a dad myself, I have my moments of regrets, when I missed some of my children’s significant moments. As a sensei, he would have missed more, much, much more.

Photo courtesy of Vincent Asjenwi, Kiryokukai Indonesia

Aikido is good Karma

Let’s not get superstitious here, I’m using ‘karma’ as a generic term. Loosely speaking, Harry sensei did good. While he hadn’t been much of a dad in the evenings, his practice and commitment to Aikido, showed his family and loved ones, that he is truly and purely a good person, doing good stuff with Aikido. His only flaw is; his undying love for Aikido.