Yesterday is always better/worse

Your future and my past is very different

Dear Boys,

In your lifetime, you will certainly hear this from other people, and it usually goes something like:

“Back in those days…” or “In my time, things were a lot tougher! easier! better! worse!” Or “compare to our times…”You youngsters had it easy!”

Well, your dad, will probably pull the same script on you from time to time and I have been told umpteenth times by folks from all walks of life, young and old, the same thing.

Our concerns back in 1993

People will always try to compare things. And when they compare, there will only be 2 outcomes that will influence their decision making;

1- things were better in the past, so if currently things are worse off I’d better do something.

2- if things were worse in the past, and we have it better now, we’d better do something.

We all have to do something, irrespective of how well or bad things were in the past. You job, as the future, is to make things the best you can, with your resources at your given specific time and space. Sure people like to reminiscence things, tell you things of their good ‘ol days, don’t be fooled into thinking that you had it better, you will not. Neither did you had it worse, you didn’t.

Newspaper clipping from 1993

‘In my days’, when I was in national service, I wore helmets dating back to the Vietnam War, Kevlar helmets was considered a luxury, and our instructors used that as a motivation for us to do well in our obstacle course, saying we get to wear ‘Air-con’ helmets, owing to its more cooling design. Nowadays, all helmets in the Armed forces are Kevlar, and the newer ones are even better than the ones I had. I’m telling you boys this, is not to tell you that you are going to have it better. Well that is a given, but the task at hand is still very much a challenging one. It never has been any better.

My School’s Assessment Report

So the point is, don’t envy, if someone had it better in their heydays, don’t gloat if someone’s worse off than you. That was that, this is now. Your future and my past is very different, I will tell you boys stories, my experiences, do some of these ‘in my days things’ but please understand it from your context, not mine. Use my experiences as lessons, understand that problems then were different, solutions to those problems are different too. You will have your own set of problems and requires the solutions that is only appropriate at your time.

Take away one thing though, the spirit, attitude to problem solving is the same, you must apply the same tenacity, dedication and focus to solving them, the problems you have now and the problems you will have in future. And when you tell you children and the newer generation your ‘In my days’ story, please remember, that was in your days, not theirs! So give them a break!

First Publish June 15, 2015

Hello Grief, Nice to Meet You

Hello Grief, Nice to Meet You

Dear Boy

The past 2 weeks was rough, I have to bear witness to the death of 2 persons very dear to me. The first one was kind of a shocker, and yet not, Harry sensei died on 25 April and your 四姨婆 died 2 May.

Harry sensei’s death hit me particularly hard, and I struggle to contain my emotions, and barely having time to manage my grief, your 四姨婆 died. It is a kind of double whammy and I think these back to back deaths matured me quite a bit, and I can fully absorb the emotions of grief and mourning.

It is a very reflective, deep thoughts and moody process, and often cast a dark pall over me, I think everyone can see it, especially the both of you and your mum as well. Having to still go to work, and interact with people, I have to compartmentalize my emotions and continue with my profession. My colleagues asked me: “How’s you weekend?” I can’t get myself to say: “Yeah, my sensei just died, and guess what? My wife’s aunt died as well!” It’s just not something you go around telling people so I simply replied: “Great!” (Please don’t dig any further, I’m barely holding it together.)

Please Excuse Me While I Grief

Of all the deaths in my life, I felt the heaviest when it comes to Harry sensei’s passing, and this sensation is particularly painful at the ‘heart’ area, it’s not a sharp pain, but that deep throbbing ache which threatens to reduce me into a heap of tears. I sigh a lot, there is really no mood for anything else, and apart from the necessary interactions, I kept to myself, and I looked at the floor more as I walked around, probably to avoid eye contact, for fear that people can see that sadness in my eyes. Emotionally I am running on empty.

This was the first time I became truly acquainted with grief.

There is no obvious logic or rationale to grief, it cannot be articulated, it is just pure raw emotions and your mood can swing from kindness to selfishness, almost with a kind of, ‘DO NOT DISTURB‘ sign hanging around your neck, not wanting to give a ‘F’ about the world for the time being. Thank you very much.

While death is a closure to many, it introspectively opens up a kind of sensitivity I am learning to live with.

We are all vulnerable

There is no escaping Death, I long felt it when I was young, and I wrote about it “Death“, an experience I felt when I was merely 19 years old. I was younger then, and youth, are often associated with a lack of perspective and a crude pragmatism, I take my ‘Death experience’ naively as a privileged to me or perhaps it was a ‘shield’, protecting me from actually feeling grief.

That is until someone I really treasure and love dies, and these 2 deaths really pried me open to the full vulnerability of grief. You feel helpless, hopeful, heaviness, all in one.

Yet the vulnerability I felt cannot be fully worded, with Harry sensei’s and 四姨 passing, and all the good I have seen them do, and now that they no longer can continue doing, appeals to me that I must carry on, be nicer to people, be more caring, be sensitive to others, be humble, be everything Harry sensei and 四姨 has taught me, by showing me. I want to be nicer to people, so that if they’d asked, I can tell them, I learned it from my sensei, I learned it because my 四姨, who is no longer with me, was one of the nicest person alive. Wanting to make this world a nicer place is perhaps my own private way of honoring their memory.

Vulnerability is very powerful

Everyone is vulnerable, period. No matter how strong, tough or successful a person is, there is a quiet silent part where we all feel somewhat lacking, inadequate and falling short of. Having gone through 2 funerals in 2 weeks exposes me to this part of humanity which connects all of us. While we all celebrates big dramatic wins in life, nobody really wants to be with us when we are hurt, down, beaten and vulnerable. The irony is that at our most weakest, we are most connected to the raw spirit which fuels our existence. Death binds us all.

I found myself back in the warm, dark embrace of Death again, thinking about my own mortality, what to do with my life. There is a certain limitedness of our lives, and yet, those who have passed, came, did great things, show love, wisdom and kindness, challenged Death by fully living, and when they die, leave behind a huge momentum of good, for us to continue living.

Trying and Doing

Trying and Doing

Dear Wayne,

There is this very famous Star Wars quote by the fictitious character Yoda, a Jedi Master.

Essentially it means that you need to ‘Do’ and not ‘Try’.

Carelessness

We were concerned about your carelessness which is typical with kids ‘these days’. When you prepare for school, and packing your bag for the day, you’ll miss out your iPad, you’ll miss putting your school pin on your uniform, you’ll miss your pencil case. When you are back home, you can forget taking out your water bottle, your lunch, your dirty P.E. tee, you’ll put the socks with the laundry, despite of me telling you for the umpteenth time not to. Well, the list goes on.

Academically, you are missing out concepts, key words, and things you should know and will impede your progress until you can use them skillfully when tested.

We had a talk and you were quite dejected, citing that there is so many things to remember, and when you try to remember this, you forget that, and you are on the verge of giving up.

Dejected, drop shoulder mood

Giving up what?

So we had a talk, and this comes down to this 2 concepts. Try and Do.

So far, I know you have been trying your best, and despite of that, you are still forgetting things left right centre. You seemed to be overwhelmed by the myriad of things you need to get right for school. it’s just too much!

You tried, we can see you really try. Even in your math or science paper, despite of your best trying, you still got careless.

Wayne doing

Trying is outcome based.

You couldn’t understand the difference between trying and doing. Well, let me break it down for you, trying is aimed at a specific outcome. You will try to win, you will try not to lose, you will try to be careful, you will try to finish your meals. More often than not, the outcome turns out to be a downer. It didn’t usually happen then way you wanted it to, despite of your best effort.

Trying gets worse, when you try to beat the other guy to the first place. You try to sabotage your friend so that you can look better, you try to retaliate.

Trying is fixated on a duality event, either or, you get it or you don’t, more often than not, you don’t.

Wayne doing, with positive vibes and energy

Doing is process based.

This means that the ends justifies the means. Which can be scary when you know you are not good enough yet. so just doing could means that you will screw up, it can also mean that you succeed beyond your wildest dream; and you have no idea why.

You might think that doing and trying is pretty much a word play, it is not, think of it as a mindset. We have seen you do great things, when you put your mind to it. especially when you are playing with Lego.


Lego fun!

We all know Lego is no fun ‘trying’, Lego is all about doing, getting your hands into the little plastic bricks and building things. You like that and you never need to ‘try’, you build it in a flash. doing means you have confidence, knowledge and skill. Sometimes you don’t, and you asked for help, sometimes you make mistakes and you’ll have to tear the bricks down and rebuild it, and before you know it, you’ve completed the model!

Doing is taking it one step at a time, trusting your ability to figure things out, and working the problem, and when you encounter an unknown, you can make a decision, and step by step you get to the finish line. You are aware of the outcome, but not fixated by it. You take the road, and sometimes there is a detour, sometimes, you need to cross a river, or something that is on the ground isn’t on your map and you need to work around it, despite of all that, you still reach your summit. This is doing.

Switching from Trying to Doing would means we can get a better gauge about your knowledge gap, when you are trying, it will be difficult because you are overthinking too much, there is too much gears going in your head, so much so you cannot get it right, and you start to panic. This happens precisely because you want to not get it wrong, and that is exactly what will happen, you get it wrong.

Doing helps us reflect after action as to what you know, what you don’t know, there is a balance between working it out, making mistakes, and learning from it. Doing is often followed by reflection. Trying is often followed by an emotional roller coaster, you did well, WOOHOO! You didn’t do well, bummer…

Easier said that done!

It takes a level of maturity to just do, and get the flow, have the courage to make a decision, and accept it as incorrect later on as you might have a knowledge gap, which upon reflection, leads to a closing of the gap through learning. This doing and reflecting is a constant polishing of your learning and it never ceases, and the constantly doing will lead to a more sustained energy, and of course lead to a wiser, not just smarter Wayne.

The Old Rain Tree

The Old Rain Tree

An Old Rain Tree felled in a forest on Monday.   

There was a great sense of sadness and loss that echoed through the forest, especially amongst the animals that has lived with the Old Rain Tree for a long time. While there are also many great trees in the forest, this one was special, its branches grew long and wide, and has offered many squirrels’ refuges; birds a nest for them to roost, shade for a tired bear to rest, and it’s roots run deep into the ground, and it’s firm standing even helped saved a few bunnies from being swept away in a bout of bad thunderstorm not too long ago.              

The felling of this magnificent Tree sent a vibration through the forest floor, and all creatures large and small came, and gathered by the fallen Great Tree. Some cranes from faraway, flew back, upon hearing that the Great Old Tree has fallen. Storks gathered, some of them hadn’t seen the Old Tree for a long time, but came as quickly as their wings can take them.

Everyone gathered, has something good to say about the Old Tree

“The Old Tree has given me a nest to raise my 5 chicks.” One of the Stork said.

“There this time, the Old Tree gave part of this branches to this farmer for him to use as firewood and warm his family!” A Chipmunk mentioned.

“He’s my favorite scratching spot!” An old brown bear growled.

Everyone in the forest, near and far has benefitted from the wisdom, protection, care and love from the Old Rain Tree. They will all miss the Old Tree, and wondered what the future will hold for them. 

“Where are we going to build our nests? Now that our dear old friend is no longer there?” Chirped one of the mama birds, distressed about the tree.

“How about us? Where can we stash our nuts?” a family of Squirrels pondered in earnest. “Our old friend helps us keep our nuts for the winter!”

“The forest will never be the same anymore.” the bunnies whined, vividly remembering, how the Old Tree reached down and let the terrified bunnies held onto his branch as the torrential rain threaten to sweep the creatures to a certain death.

But the Old Tree has a plan.

Long before this fateful day, the Old Rain Tree has already set in motion and make the forest a place the animals can continue to thrive long after he is gone.

You see, there was never a forest, it was nothing but a barren land, and the little young sapling of a Rain Tree decided to grow there. This small Rain Tree grew against the weather, the sun, the bad soil, he grew and grew and got so big, that some woodsmen even came to try and chop it down. They were close, but the little band of animals in the forest stood with the tree and protected the Rain Tree from further harm. This tree is precious and sacred to the animals and they turned the woodsmen away.

From then on, the land around the Rain Tree grew, and thrive, it dropped seeds on the forest floor, and while many seeds didn’t grow, some did; as the Great Old Rain Tree grow in stature and magnificence, small little rain trees started sprouting around it, adding to the shade, and adding to the magnificence of the forest.

So the animals in the forest don’t need to worry, because while the Great Old Rain Tree has fallen, there are also many trees around it, all grown from the same seed, providing the shade protection and nourishment the Great Old Rain Tree provided. While he is gone, he has given his seeds and raised many more young trees to help the forest flourish. These young trees will stand their own, and this is their time to stand against the elements, and join the ranks of the other Great Trees in the forest.

This is the legacy of the Old Rain Tree.

Profanities

Dear Boys,

profanity 2

We will have to deal with this sooner than later. Perhaps a couple of years down the road, when you both are matured enough, the use of profanities will eventually enter your vernacular. Until then…

Of late, Ian, you’ve told me that you have a classmate who uses the ‘F’ word in a liberal manner in school and even in the presence of a teacher. And you think that he is a brave kid in doing so. Let me tell you what I told you that evening, it is not a brave thing, neither is it a cool thing.

Sure, you hear about it in the movies, in TV shows and perhaps even me using it. We cannot avoid it, I do use it, and more liberally when I am in Army fatigues. I have a linguistic degree and for that fact, I am minimally qualified to tell you that, in any language, cursing and swearing is very normal. It helps us, to a certain degree, manage our emotions, it serves as a kind of outlet for our negativity. Sometimes it is useful, sometimes it is counterproductive.

profanity 1

But don’t you dare utter this, kids, as personally, for me, it is a big no, no. I cannot stop you boys from hearing it, but I sure as hell (that’s cussing too!) do not want to hear you boys using it, not at this age.

Ian, your classmates used it, that is his problem, like I said, he has a dirty mouth, it is his parents’ responsibilities to clean it. If his parents doesn’t clean his dirty mouth, chances are, someone, a member of society will take matters into their own hands and do some cleaning themselves.

Personally, I do not use it, as linguistically, I have far more useful words in my repertoire to serve my anger in a message without the use of profanity.  As mentioned earlier, my usage only increased when I am in military service.

There is something about the military that is closely linked to the use of profanities and other derogatory words. Its the culture, and when I used it in the military, it serves a functional purpose, not for an angry outburst, not to piss other people off. to me profanities is not ‘angry’ words for the use in an outburst of anger. it allows me to enmesh into a particular culture, a specific conformity. And yes, I do as the Romans do, when it comes to military service.

So when will be a good time for you boys to cuss? That is a judgement call, there is no specific date, time, turn of the century, we all have to see if you boys knows and are mature enough to understand why you want to say what you said. Right now, it is not a brave thing to say it, it is not a cool thing to say it. You boys are not matured enough to know the purpose and function of profanities. It is a ‘play by the ear’ scenario.

I glad that so far, you 2 have a strong repulsion from such words. That is good. There is no need for its use at your age, and we shall have this discussion again from time to time, and see if we are ready to hear the 2 of your cuss like men, or boys.

First Publish June 3, 2015

Your Grands- The Awesomes

April 2013 @ RWS Sea Aquarium
April 2013 @ RWS Sea Aquarium

Dear Boys,

You have awesome grand parents. Period.

For your dad, he never knew his grand parents, both maternal and paternal. They died before I knew about them. You mum knew her grand parents and when I had the both of you, I knew I want the both of you to have wonderful memories about your ‘Grands’.

I can’t say the same for my parents side, as my parents and my history with them is mired in a messy controversy. Well, story of my life, at least that was until I got married and the 2 of you came along. Your mum’s parents, The Grands, as we fondly refer them as, are the Awesomes.

At Bird Park with Ian 2007
At Bird Park with Ian 2007

Your Gong Gong is awesome and so is your Ah Ma, they both doted on you like their own, even though in the strictest Chinese sense, you both are the ‘Lims’ grand children and carry my lineage. They have none of that, and loved you both tremendously, without conditions.

They would buy the best toys for you both for your birthdays and Christmas (although we do not celebrate it on a religious sense, but it was still an opportunity to get together for fun, joy and laughter.) Whatever you want, they will get for you, so much so that we were concerned about them spoiling you both.

There is always tensions in the way we want to bring you up and the way the Grands think we should bring you up. But that is what The Grands does, which many times run into conflict with The Parents. When I was a younger dad with a penchant to use the ‘rod’, I got into a rather heated argument with your Gong Gong. When I wanted to discipline you your Gong Gong physically carried you away from harm, me. Your Ah Ma cried, from the traumatic intensity of the quarrel. From then on I never want to discipline you both in their presence. We’ve all learned our limits and our boundaries from that incident.

Feb 2013, on a ferry to Kusu Island
Feb 2013, on a ferry to Kusu Island

It is important that you boys get to hang out with the Grands as often as possible, because I feel that their inputs into your lives are important in your building blocks to become responsible adults. You boys need to handle old folks, and the Grands are your hands on training. When you grow up, never get angry or impatient with old folks. When you are in your thirties, a busy executive, in a hurry to run errands, please don’t run over older folks that happen to road hog your way, think of them as your Grands. They are not in your way, without, you will not even have a way.

SONY DSC
June 2013 @ River Safari

Your Grands are the ultimate liberals, in their abode you boys can pretty much do whatever you want and rule with impunity. There is no curfew, you boys sleep as early as 2am. You boys watched TV, ate all sorts of sweets and chocolates. Ice cream was a regular affair. Even when the Grands brought you boys out, you two had it good, ate at restaurants, Swensen’s is a common affair.

Tell your children stories and tales you had with your Grands, and when my time comes, I will have my share of legacy with you children.

Wayne with Ah gong
Wayne with Ah gong

You boys need to love your Grands as much as possible. Display affection, hug them, kiss them, and hold their hands. Let them know you appreciate them, let them know that you both, while taking them for granted, do reciprocate. They have pretty much seen it through their life, they do not need much now, they do not need to strive for a good job, they do not need to please their boss, climb the corporate ladder, all they need to to have their lives filled with the din both of you made, do things that makes them worry, mess things up so that they can clean it up after you. Let them feed you boys with yummy junks.

Ah Ma with Ian, handling microscopes

So go ahead, have fun with your Grands fill their lives with all your nonsense. do things with them that you cannot do with your parents. Let them have wonderful memories of you both, and please grow up with wonderful reminiscence of them. Tell your children stories and tales you had with your Grands, and when my time comes, I will have my share of legacy with you children.

First posted June 26, 2015

Collective Idiocy-Army story

bus buttons
picture sourced from google

Dear Boys,

I want to share a story about ‘collective idiocy’ that involved your father.

When I was an Army recruit, my training camp was back in Pulau Tekong and when it was time for us to book in, we have to find our own way back to Commando Jetty. So when it was time for us to book in, it is no surprise that you will see many botak (bald-headed) recruits on the same bus, since we are all booking in at the same time.

So this fateful night, we were on the bus, and heading towards a common destination, we all have to alight at the same bus-stop and of course we need to press the bell so that the bus driver will know there are passengers who were alighting.

What happened was a matter of group-think towards collective stupidity.

We all, the recruits in the bus, knew we are all alighting at the same stop, and we all waited for one of us to press the bell, and anyone of us can, but no one did!

So we looked wide eyed as the bus zipped past our stop and everyone started pressing the bell in frantic. Too late, the bus driver simply ignored us, and take it that the bell we pressed was for the next stop.

So the bus alighted at the next stop and the whole group of us has to dumb, dumb walk back to the earlier bus stop and towards Commando Jetty. No one said a thing about the incident, we didn’t have to, we all made a fool out of ourselves, and now thinking back more than 21 years later, the whole incident seems petty hilarious.

First posted June 18, 2015

Adulting 101- the really mundane stuff

Adulting 101- the really mundane stuff

Dear boys,

I casually asked Ian one day that if we leave the entire household to him, will he be able to handle it?

‘No’ came the reply.

Well I am not surprised at all because it will take a lot of effort and time to run a household smoothly, it is not something that is written in a ‘how-to’ book or instructions manual, that’s what parents are for.

Photo by Rony Stephen Chowdhury on Pexels.com

Mopping

Well, this is an entire package, and it comes with vacuuming first. Since it makes more sense to suck up any dust and debris before you actually put the wet work in to clean up any stains and give the floor a good wipe.

That’s just the mop part, we are not talking about filling the pail, putting the cleaning solvents, wringing the mop, mapping the mopped area in the house. So there is some thought to be put into mopping, its not just swinging a wet mop around and call it done.

Photo by Ekaterina Belinskaya on Pexels.com

Laundry

This is another bummer, I know you boys know who does the laundry, but the entire thing is a regular chore. It must be done, unless we are going around naked!

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

It starts from buying the apparels, wearing them, putting them to wash, getting the right amount of detergent in, getting the right machine settings, hanging it up, folding it when it is dry, ironing it, putting them in the right place. Occasionally we will need to wash bags, shoes, and other what-nots.

Our washing machine
Our Laundry

Plumbing

Our new shower head

From time to time you will need to fix, replace, repair, and clean some of the fixtures at home. and recently I replaced our leaking taps in both bathrooms

Our old tap

It is not actually rocket science and if you want to, just pay a Plumber and this can also be done, or you can go to a hardware shop and get it yourself. Most of the sizing and dimensions are the same, so you just have to put some muscle into removing the old one and putting the new one in.

Similarly, cleaning the bathroom means giving these fixtures a good scrub, toilet bowls included.

The Bottom Line

There is a lot of things to do at home, and as boys, men, you need to know these skills. It is a hands-on fixing, repairing and replacing things at home that makes your house a home. No one is going to teach you all these skills and you will have to learn them yourself.

It is not difficult, you just have to do it, and trust yourself that things will turn out okay. If it doesn’t then you can call in the professionals, watch and learn how they do it, and correct yourself from there.

My Regular Go-To Spot

My Regular Go-To Spot

Dear boys,

Your dad has a regular go-to spot where he cycles to get some space and get away from the hustle and bustle of life.

This spot is a scant 10km away from our home and the thought of getting there is already putting a kind of peace in my mind. Cycling there is also quite a therapy as it is a place of space, solitude and the view is quite something.

So there is this spot on top of the knoll, and barring COVID, I can string up my hammock and just chill at the hut. The breeze is good, view is awesome and there isn’t a lot of people around. There I can be an anonymous nobody, and yet recharge by getting connected to nature.

It is open 24/7 and the vibe is so non-judgmental and welcoming. I can go there anytime and more often than not, the hut is empty, and if it isn’t, it is fine as well, because I can string my hammock around a tree and still chill.

That’s the connection my cycling has for me, and brings me regularly to this place for my own space. Doing this often helps me get my exercise (minimally) and also a sense of peace which is not too far away.

The view do help me relax and having the breeze blow through my hammock is an awesome experience, you can really fall asleep and lose yourself to the big beautiful nature.

The World You’re Inheriting

Dear Boys,

I’ve heard more than once, “I wouldn’t want to bring a child into the world full of pain and suffering.” so says a newly wedded couple, or a childless couple.

Why?

Initially, I wasn’t ready for a response, but as the narrative sinks in, I guess I have to kind of address for it you boys to understand. First of all, we have to understand the complexities of the current world, and how the demographics have changed, and the demands have evolved.

Procreation

It is in all living beings biological drive to reproduce and carry on the gene pool. even a bacteria knows how to do that. It is a natural order for a male and female organism to get together and create the next generation. It shouldn’t have been different for humans. But we choose to use our greater cognitive prowess against ourselves.

The Me, Myself, and I Generation

These days we are looking at a world where companies are out to sell us stuff, that makes us feel good, look good, and be good, all the goodness in it. There is a plethora of services and solutions that people can pay to make themselves feel good. People are earning enough to pamper themselves to kingdom come and high heavens.

We have reached a self-gratifying generation where people are not encouraged to do anything above and beyond what is needed to do. There is no need for anyone to do anything selfless like parenting. Why bother to raise children when I can have all the time for myself?

Is the world really that bad?

Our perception shapes our reality. Opinion might differs as a matter of a cup half full or half empty. The news agencies would certainly like to paint a sour picture as bad news certainly sells better than good news, which is the irony. Which it isn’t. Dramatics and violence always sells, and captures the attention of the masses.

The news and media agencies are cashing in on our Selective Negative Bias and our addiction towards it, somehow negative bias stirs our emotions, captures our attention, and jolts us to action. Poverty, War, Death and Destruction are all tools the media use to sell their existence. Try to find a newspaper that is totally dedicated to good news.

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

Too much of anything

We must always learn to strike a balance on how our reality is. Some might argue that the world we are in, the challenges we are facing, global warming, crime, war, COVID19 are all completely justifiable reasons for us to protect our future generations from, by not bringing them into this world.

The world we live in can never be completely bad, neither can it be complete good. There is always a mixture of both and we have to decipher the reality correctly to continue living. The virtue that our race is still here, means we are so far doing a decent job.

Our World, Their Reality

You boys might not have heard of Boyan Slat, but I’m sure you’ve heard of Greta Thunberg, and I’m sure their parents did have plans for them to reach their level of influence, but they did and rise above and beyond what their parents to achieve during their life time.

As your parents, I can only hope that the both of you turns out to become decent adults, never mind that you might not save the world, or clean up the ocean, but there is always a chance that you might raise children that do.

With every iteration of the human race, we raise people who brings good to this world. Of course, there are also maniacs out there, who took all the darkness and destroys the world, Adolf Hitler’s parents wouldn’t have had him if they’re gonna see the kind of death and destruction their son brought upon the world. Then again, that’s debatable, I certainly don’t hope to see you boys head that direction of notoriety.

Hope

I’m your dad, a guy, and a husband, and your mum, my wife told me more than once she wants to have my children. I can only guess that whatever I’m doing, gives her a safe haven, comfort and confidence for her to feel it is worth it to risk her life to bear children for me. That’s the logic part of me, perhaps it is the love between us, the bond we have for each other that is so intimate and deep, having kids of our own is a manifestation of that love.

I certainly hope that both of you boys grow up to become men who can provide for your women, make them feel safe, sheltered, protected and love, so that they can build a whole family with you with kids.

Ian’s birthday 2009, with grandma