Month: January 2024

Set Easy Targets

Set Easy Targets

Dear Boys,

I ran my best half Marathon yesterday. While doing that, I was thinking about goal setting. My plan was to run 30km and there is a reason why I didn’t managed to do it. I didn’t plan for it; while I did aspire to hit the 30km mark, my current plan and mindset only allows me to achieve 21.3km. You see, I know my pace and water breaks for my half marathon regime, but beyond the 21km, I didn’t have a clear vision on how to get there, where is my next water break? 25km? How does my remaining 9km looks like? How would it end?

Even though it might be as simple as just keep running, the mind will find solace in the familiar, and it did just that, I have ran 21kms in the past, it is achievable, so once it hit that mileage the mind went ‘Okay! We are done here! This is familiar territory and we can stop now!’

Was I disappointed that I didn’t hit the 30km?

Not really, it’s just a goal I set and I knew I’m probably not ready hit it, and it’s not for any competitive means, I’m happy just able to do the run.

Easy Targets

This brings us to goal setting, always start with easy goals. For me it is 5km everyday, as often as I can, there are days it rained (and it rained quite a bit these days) I don’t run. As long as I can keep to my 5km runs and hit it, it becomes easy for me to do that distance, and 21km is just 4 splits of 5km and a bit more. 30km? It’s just 6 increments of 5km or 3x10km, depends on how you want your narrative to be, whatever it is, set an easy goal, and consistently hit it. It’s not that hard once you have it broken into bit size bits.

Consistency is Key

Easy goals isn’t simple, it needs commitment and consistency. There are times where the mind will dupe you into thinking of easier goals. so instead of 5km, 3km is easier, 1km is easiest still, how about lazing on the couch, easiest! So you need to pick and easy task and keep at it; until 5km becomes easier than 10km, and 10km becomes your new easy.

Consistency is the silent work, that nobody knows or care about, it is all about you and how much you want it. The major ‘C’ to avoid is Compare, never compare your goals with other people’s, a Navy SEAL’s baseline is very different from yours and if you want that baseline, you will still need to start with your easy. What’s easy for a ultra-runner who does hundreds of km on end isn’t the best role model for you.

Also avoid comparing yourself to yourself, and doing so builds up that self competition that can be detrimental to your progress, as long as you are hitting 5km, at a statistically consistent timing and effort, it is all that matters. You may be slow at days or fast at days, when it comes down to months and months of grinding, that little blip or drop will not be significant. It’s just you going about with an easy goals you set for yourself, so take it easy, competition is entirely optional.

What’s mine is mine

When you tell people about your easy goals, some might say it’s a walk for them, some other might admire your grit. It’s all a matter of perspective since we all comes with differing capabilities. My timing is probably nothing in the competitive standards but these are my timing, it’s up to me to improve them and set anther easy target, maybe running a half marathon fortnightly? I think that is doable. Remember that people will compare, let them, just don’t allow yourself to be affected by their opinions, keep going at the targets you set for yourself, never mind that its good to some, and lousy to others, their opinion belongs to them and it is again entirely optional

Easy going

Easy targets also means a good self esteem, it motivates your mind into getting at it, because it isn’t ‘hard’. We will put off mammoth tasks eventually, even though we gets very rah rah over a big high profile target, eventually if we do not have the consistency to chip off the large tasks bit by bit, you will fizzle out. Sometimes we see people scoring big dramatic wins and we wondered how they did it, it’s really quiet behind the scenes, working and working, failing and getting up again. In reality, it’s not a big win, its a series of small wins that leads to a big wins, but if you don’t start with small steps, you can never get to a point where you are ready to take on the major milestones.

If you want to have the ambition to build something big and monumental, start with your baby steps and get easy things done.

Absolutely no competition

Absolutely no competition

As an Aikidoka, one of the core concepts is ‘No Competition’. Which generally means that there is no tournaments, no gold medals, no ‘winner/loser’ in that sense, and most of us gets it.

So I thought.

It was only recently I came to a realization the true virtues of ‘No Competition.’

Sure, we all know that you don’t go out there and compete against others, we don’t race for the first place, but… do you compete against yourself? If you run 5km at 30mins yesterday will you try to beat that record today? And if you do, did you ‘win’? Give yourself a pat on the back?

While I have been practicing Aikido for more than 2 decades, it took an Austrian, Alfred Adler to really bring home this point. As a psychotherapist, Adler also espouses non-competition, as he sees everyone as ‘different but equal.’ Which means that a baby is equal to a billionaire but different, it makes a lot of sense to me, and I hit an eureka moment.

I am equal, but different

How is this possible for me to compete against myself, if I am different in every moment, and the past me cannot equate to the present me, and the future me is a potential that has yet to be discovered? So who am I competing with when I compete with myself? It is simply a delusion of the mind that props a ‘protagonist/antagonist’ duality for us to justify a shallow existence.

True peace comes from non-competition with self.

I was jogging one day and this really hit me, about improvement, do I improve based on my past? That the past is a poor representation of who I can really become, because the past is gone and exist as a figment of our fickle memory; while we move forward, we can only look at our current capabilities built from the past, and move along from there.

Once we can really cease all hostilities and waging a phantom war against ourselves, then we can find true peace, and look at our past, good bad, and the ugly without judgment. I often said that we are our own worse enemy and perhaps it is time for us to be just us, in the present, me-enemy, me-friend and me, all rolled into the present self.

Beat Yesterday

This is actually a slogan for a smart watch company, in reality It’s not gonna be a very fruitful endeavor trying to achieve past glory, because we are a gold medalist once, doesn’t means we can do it again and again, once you are past your prime, what will become of you? When all the accolades have faded, and you are left alone, who else can you beat, if you can no longer beat yourself? Or beat yesterday? Why don’t we just stop beating ourselves, yesterday or any timing, people, achievements, heights and all that? Just live a life of peace and acceptance, just simply do your best and let that shine, when your best isn’t good enough to win, you’ll know that you will not lose you.

Not Always So/ This too shall pass

Not Always So/ This too shall pass

Dear boys

We all live in a place and time where there are many cases of injustice and tragedies in this world. Recently, Ian, you told me that a hoard of aircraft photographers descended upon a supposedly ‘secret’ location to take pictures of some rare warplanes, and because that was actually a commercial place, they were chased away by the security guards, the secret spot is secret no more.

And you considered it as a ‘bad’ thing. That is where I need to bring to your attention. ‘Not Always So’ Sometimes what we thought of a problem as a problem, but in reality it is how we receive and value judge the situation that makes us determine if it is bad or not. Value judging isn’t necessarily a bad thing, since we need to know clearly friend from foe, so that we can collaborate effective and work with others, this is our greatest strength as humans.

‘Not Always So’

These 3 words serves me well as it keeps my bias in check, arrest my fears and insecurities, tone down my euphoria and good vibes, the Not Always So mindset cast a realistic eye on what I see before me. It’s not to throw a shade of grey into everything we do, if indeed it is a case for celebration, then truly celebrate unreservedly. If you need to feel sad, don’t fight it. However if you need to critically decide on an action, think it through and think it through again, Things might not be what they appear to be! Think twice and apply ‘Not always so!’

In the case of that ‘secret’ location being exposed, it might not be such a bad thing as you might end up going to a new spot and find a better location to take pictures! Is it that ‘bad’? Not always so!

This Too Shall Pass

The other phrase that keeps me going is ‘This too shall pass.’ This is deeply rooted in the concept of impermanence, which is both terrifying and liberating at the same time. Similarly, when you get too sad, or too happy, always remember, ‘This too shall pass.’ Again it is not to cast a pall on a big win or a terrible tragedy, this is to make sure we retain a level of equilibrium in us and not go over board with what we are doing, it also helps us endure hardship with character, dignity and patience. If you are in a terrible painful situation and wish for the suffering to end, knowing that ‘This too shall pass.’ helps us harbour some glimmer of hope for an upturn. It is not always so that we must suffer, as our suffering will pass and we can be in a better place once we are over a bad patch in our lives.

It cuts both ways

When you win and win big, neve get too cocky, as This too shall pass! We will not always win and we need to be humble, virtuous and grateful in our win, because we didn’t win because we won, there is a whole bunch of people helping us, supporting us that allows us to win, and for a moment of foolish ego, we throw it all away and forsaken those who stood with us, we will end up in a bad place sooner that we thought!

Back to that secret location case, ‘this too shall pass, as there will always be a change of security guards, and people will forget that incident ever happened and it will become a plane spotting spot again, until another hoard descend on it and spoilt it all over again.

Life is after all… cyclical

Finding your own January

FeaturedFinding your own January

Dear Boys,

This December was particularly dreary for me, as I am not generally a festive person, so much so I confessed to your mum I was rather ‘Grinchy’ this year end. I guess the whole celebration and holidaying is not my kind of thing.

New Year’s Eve The Movie

It wasn’t until your mum and I serendipitously walked into Orchard Cineplex one of our dating weekends in a December in 2011 and we decided to pick this movie to watch at random. Well, the movie is extremely and unusually star-studded, and moreover Robert De Niro is in it, it can’t be that bad.

It turned out to be good, damn good.

At least for me, I can make some significance as to why people put so much energy and effort into celebrating the new year. It was a sense of closure, renewal and moving on, and every time I hit the year end doldrums, I would think of that movie and the significance. The movie has multiple storyline and tensions running at the same time, which all converge at the stroke of the last embers of December 2010. It was a feel good moment that really bodes all’s well, ends well.

What January brings

Further maturing into that thought, I thoughtfully reflect on the meaning of January, and again, why does people make such a big fuss about a year’s end?

Societal, Economic, Financial, Business, Academic and Religion Reasons

There is in fact more than that, since between December and January, a lot of organizations closes their books, rest and prepare for the new year, in some places where there are 4 seasons, it is perhaps the turn of a new season. Winter’s over for some places, Spring arrives. For where we are, in perpetual summer, there is not really any reasons to celebrate the end of a cyclical cold spell.

Some companies closes their financial books, some starts their business at the turn of a new year, there is a sense of hope, moving on and a renewal of energy, resources that is exciting and exhilarating. School ends with a holiday and the new academic terms starts, there is a sense of progress and propulsion.

What January means

It’s just a date many people rally around to make a change, do something new, a new year resolution of sorts, and there is hope in doing so. We yearn to break away from our old limiting beliefs and start afresh, January brings hopes.

Your own January

So bearing that significance in mind, January is just, January. You can make your own January, any day, month, time of the year. You can start afresh anytime, and you don’t have to wait for the January to be January, before you make a change.

If things isn’t working out, think of the hope the month of January brings and use that vibe to make a change. don’t just sit there and waste 11 months knowing things isn’t working out and then change just because the clock went from 31 December to 1 Jan.