Stop at Success

Stop at Success

Dear Sons,

Your mum baked butter cakes yesterday. Twice.

For the first round, the 2 of you tried to help in the process, In measurements and cutting of the butter, it was good to have involved the 2 of you, even though you boys monkeyed around more than being helpful.

The cake wasn’t very well made, it rise in the beginning but the cake collapsed towards the later part of its time in the oven. Of course your mum, was dejected, it was a failure. The texture of the cake was too light, and it felled apart when we cut it and when we ate it, even thought it tasted good, but it wasn’t a ‘cake’.

I saw the opportunity and told her “Let’s bake another one!” I wanted to drive this point home, Do not stop at failure, stop only when you are successful. Later that afternoon, I went out and bought another bunch of ingredients and we tried at it again, and this time the cake turned out alright.

You see, boys, the difference is that if we stop at the first bake, what would have locked into our minds? The end process of it was ‘failure’. And if we do not correct that immediately, the feeling, the mood and the psyche of having failed at baking, would have sunken in, gotten locked into our sub consciousness, and the next time we bake, may be next week, next month, we will go to our sub conscious file and access the last time we tried, which was locked in ‘failure’. What a way to starting making something as beautiful and delicious as a cake! Will our next attempt fail again? I don’t know, but I’d rather start a new endeavor , with a past history and memory of success rather than having a last records of failure.

We also did something different the second time we bake, we wrote down every bit of the process, step by step. For the second time around, you boys were playing in the living room and had no part in the baking process, maybe the absence of you 2 monkeys would help in your mum’s concentration as well?

We wrote down every writable details of the baking, so that if we fail, again, we will know, more than less, how we can adjust our process.

The second time was a success!

And what a difference it made for your mum! From dejected, deflated talk of failure in baking the first round, she is now beaming with joy knowing that the second bake was a success. This is what I want to have locked into her psyche, that she can bake and baking is a process of success. And with the formula on hand, now she can bake and repeat the same success.

So boys, when you do fail in future, quickly dust yourself off and try again. Do not stop, never stop until you have successfully achieve your given tasks. Failure and success is nothing more than a state of mind, be careful at which state of mind you decide to take a rest, for it will affect you and your next course of action. so when you fail, do not stop, keep going, stop only when you are successful.

Posted August 12, 2013

Hanging out with Friends

Hanging out with Friends

DSC_0343

Dear Boys,

I have a chance of taking a break recently and used that time to meet up with my friends. In Singapore we are usually so busy with work, we seldom have time to do a decent catch up, the best we can do was a quick meet up over lunch and everyone has to run back to work.

So when there is an opportunity as such, I grabbed the chance and called these friends up for a chit chat.

Some have really tight schedule so I didn’t managed to meet everyone on my list, but some things cannot be forced, I’m still a good believer in fate, and until a better time, I will have to put a rain check on a couple of them.

My friends, are a mixed bunch, but that is what makes life interesting, we need to good dose of diversity in the people we meet, and learn from. Some are from my Aikido practice, some from my banking, and others from my recruitment work, and there are some, I can’t really ‘compartmentalize’ properly.

DSC_0386

Anyway, having a good mix helps me break away from my mindset. The dangerous thing about a mindset, is that you don’t know what you don’t know; catching up with these friends gives me a different perspective, and challenge my current thinking. Many of them have since moved on and joined other industry and gained some other life experience. In such exchange, we learn a little about each other, catch up with our lives, and also renew a friendship, making it stronger.

Eating at different places

DSC_0358

These friends brought me to different place to dine, and I ate some stuff I don’t usually eat. I learned that there is a yummy vegan joint called nomVnom at Central, Clark Quay, all thanks to Edna. She is a cheery, spirited young lady who is making a name for herself in a very challenging industry. While she is the youngest friend I met, I thoroughly enjoyed the meeting and we talked a lot about other things, other than Aikido.

IMG-20170713-WA0001

Some of my friends brought me to very nice Japanese food, Yew Wah brought me to eat at Hifumi, selling very affordable Japanese food. I ate ramen at Santouka with Cherie and Karen. These are places I usually won’t go to, if I am out alone, or with you boys. It’s just not our usual go-to places.

DSC_0360

Catching up is good

Nowadays, people think of a catch up as a status over Social Media, It is not just about sending each other a text message or two, which we are all so inclined to do. We can all just pick up our friends’ number from the phone list and call. These people are friends, and they will also cherish a catch up. There are many trials and tribunals in life and they are best tackled when they are shared.

DSC_0465

Please call them

Don’t sit around waiting for friends to call you. Don’t wait to link up with people. Life is scarce and time even more scarce. In our fragile life, we need to call people and tell them we are around and we care for them. Don’t hold back, show people you love them for who they are and let them know they have a friend here.

In the past, I have this persona of waiting for people to call me. It is simply an ego-play, and no one win from such a “high-crass act”. Always reach out to people first, and if you do matter to them, they will make time for you. Then such people are best to catch up with again and again. They will enrich your life, and you, in turn, enrich theirs. In this exchange, everyone becomes a better person, and we become more connected than just a Facebook friend.

DSC_0378

 

The melancholy man @ 41

The melancholy man @ 41

Collage_Fotor me 41_Fotor.jpg
It is quite a challenge finding 41 pictures of me to do this montage!

Dear Boys,

I’m forty one this year, and unlike your mum, I was never a big fan of celebrating birthdays.

It is not as if your mum has big birthday celebrations, but the least was she has it, every year, her family would celebrate her birthday, even the lunar one. Me? The only birthday I vividly remembers was my 12th birthday, that’s it.

While I grew older and earned my own money (I started working when I was fifteen), birthday, as I know it is a significant day, especially when it’s mine. There is something special about me, on that day, but I couldn’t figure out what. So I started taking leave from work on my birthday, not to celebrate with cakes and parties, but to spend time with myself. That was until I met your mum. She usually fuss over my birthday, not me.

Until now I still cannot understand what birthdays is all about.

Birthdays depresses me

In fact, as the years pass, I get more depressed.

Depressed that at my age, I hadn’t accomplished anything ‘big’, nor did the things my peers are doing. Yes, keep up with the Jones to get to me sometimes. Of course the consolation is, that I lived a mediocre life, free from worries, debts, major diseases, war, poverty, and all those things. I should be lucky, contented and happy!

I am not, and I can’t figure out why.

So what’s the surprise?  

I don’t see the need to figure it out, so what if I do figure my life out? I’d never be able to get out of it alive! So what if I created a solution that save the world? I’ll still die?

Legacy? What’s that?

At the most selfish level, nothing I can ever do, can save me from death. Death is certain. but people are busy celebrating ‘birthday’ and not too concerned with deathday. Well, death is the ultimate storm on anyone’s parade, huh. We’d all rather looked at the happy, dandy side. Focus on the birth-day, nevermind that death is on the opposite side of the same coin.

It is at this juncture, I get stuck. Even in writing as of now. Death kills my writing…

Death kills everything I can possible think of. It is over before I can even think about the beginning. I simply don’t have the upbeat optimism good vibes to overcome death, no one can, I guess. So why even try so hard?

And yet, I cannot reconcile with the reality that I am put on earth to just convert Oxygen to Carbon Dioxide. I am made for something more, I just don’t know what. Hell, I’m such a genius.

I live for you

One thing for sure, I think I am here for the both of you boys, and your mum. Other than the three of you, there is no one else. No one else who knows that I really existed, whom I really matters in their lives. It is the three of you whom, if I for one reason, disappears, dies or get kidnapped by alien, will grieve for me, worry for me, thinks of me, and cares about me. And for I play a key important role.

I’m always grateful for your mother’s love. She has been the most incredible woman, at the same time, dumbest to follow this melancholy man. I guess that is what love is all about, she believes in me  more than I believes in myself, and she takes my shit, all the time, dust herself off and continue to love me. I cannot be here if it is not for her. Sometimes, I let her celebrate my birthday, not because I am important, but it is because I am important to her. And my birthday is an important day to her, much more than it is an important day to me.

So the big Four-One is upon me, and I’m still here, doing what I am doing, everything looks the same, for me. The only thing changing is the both of you boys, growing up, while your dad is growing old. I hope us celebrating your birthdays year on year will give the both of you some meaning. This is what is blog is all about, a dad’s introverted hope that you can make better sense of your lives, and use my life and folly to make sense of yours.

41

 

 

Is this porn? Showry

Is this porn? Showry

showrybanner

Dear boys,

If a supply satisfies a demand, then there is a lot of demand for stupid videos like this.

Your mum and I argued about this particular Korean YouTube personality ‘Showry‘ (쇼리 공식 유튜브 채널) who came to prominence in 2015.

Who is Showry?

(https://www.facebook.com/sshowry)

Well, as a recent ‘YouTube celebrity’; she does crazy things called ‘eatcasting’, ‘foodporn’ which seems to originates from Korea. Apparently it is a kind of genre where people eat things in all manners and attires (some weird places), in the most outrageous, bizarre and crazy manner, all to get attention and viewership. For Showry, she is quite an attractive woman, so she does her eatcast in skimpy attires, makes a mess out of the food she ‘eats’, pouring all sorts of sauces and creams all over her, and her voluptuous bust. Your mum considers her acts bordering porn. Personally I do consider her regard (or the lack of it) for food, rather disgusting.

Here is where the argument starts.

Well, the way I look at how she do what she does, she is bordering porn, in a very sublime way. She is not naked, as she could be reported for ‘nudity’ if she shows a breast or two, and there goes her YouTube viewership (we will talk more about that in a short while)

She borders sexually suggestive, almost on the verge of porn. On one of her clip, ‘Chocolate bed‘ she is wearing a white dress and she drizzles 3 bottles of chocolate sauce on herself and all around her. It may look like a stupid thing to do and goes against every logic possible, but that video alone has 32,000 likes, 46,000 comments and 3.4 million views. If a supply satisfies a demand, then there is a lot of demand for stupid videos like this.

Your mum didn’t approve of what she did and as a parent, she would think that we have failed her if she had been our daughter. Your mum says she has no morals and principles by doing what she did to attract some untoward attention. Some of the comments on YouTube did asked if she was doing porn.

But she is not.

She is quite success-fool

And in my opinion, she is quite a ‘success’ playing a fool on the internet. And I’m looking at it from a ‘product’ perspective. We can make a couple of assumptions about her, in all due fairness, she is 50/50. Half stupid, half smart. Let’s look at it from ‘half smart’, she has an asset, she is attractive, she has a bust. She she can’t act (at least not Oscar winning type), but she can do stupid things. And she somehow got her formula right.

Frankly, she is not THE most beautiful woman on YouTube, and you can easily find another attractive woman, pour sauce all over herself and make funny noise, can that doppelganger gets as much hits as her? That is the 21.5 million views question. She has that much views as at 5th Jan 2016. She has somehow gotten her act together (pun intended) in such a unique way that she now has such a huge following on YouTube.

I doubt anyone else can do what she does and get the same results, as much as no one can do what Rowan Atkinson does as Mr Bean. Your mum refuse to accept that she has a ‘personality’, but here’s the argument; watching what she does, do occupy a spot in your brain. She does leaves an impression on you, good and/or bad. And that would have made her successful, in a fight for Share of Mind.

Showry 2

Perhaps, she is right, and I’m over-analysing Showry. Maybe she is just a dumb Asian bimbo, dancing and prancing around teasing lecherous men and other shadier characters. That is where we can discuss her half stupid side. Well, maybe she do, do porn, privately. Or maybe some other people may offer her to do other more sexually suggestive stuffs. She might be stupid enough to succumb to that kind of temptations. That we may never know.

But I’m a natural born optimist, and I like to think that she is smarter than that. It do take some smarts and guts to do what she did, and I guess it is not a matter of spontaneity, knowing that she probably need to do many takes, to get it right. There might be many ‘no-good, bloopers’. Well, maybe I’m wrong about that, the things she do could be so downright dumb, even if she gets it wrong, she’ll continue with it anyway!

So the bottom line is this, she is doing what she is doing, fame comes, and of course the money. Will she take the money she earned from doing eatcast, and turn it into something else, some kind of investment? Another business venture maybe? Or will she be so sucked into this fame, she turn to the ‘dark side’ and starts doing really real stupid things to herself. Well, as she is still quite new, we shall be probably talking about her very soon, and over a lot more frequency.

Showry 3

(all pictures sourced from internet)

Originally posed on 6 Jan 2016