Heard about these parenting taboos?

Dear Boys,

The world we live in is full of myths, taboos and other old wives’ tales on how things should be or should not be done. For me, I asked a group of friends over Facebook, and they came up with some really original ones.

Erena

  • “Don’t consume mutton if preggers . Like the baby might get epilepsy or fits in future.”
  • “They kept saying to drink Soya milk and bird nest so that the baby will become really fair .”
  • ” Like if u take chicken feet , your feet will become really strong . Does it work that way ?”

Agnes

  • “Also k not consume too much bird nest, or else the baby would prone to asthma or coughing.”

Flo

  • “Avoid colas too during lactation…it will affect the infant. Real story not mine tho!”

Jason

  • “Leaving bits of rice in your rice bowl after a meal will cause your future spouse to have lots of acne and pockmarks.”
  • “bad luck to open an umbrella indoors.”
  • “Shaving a baby’s head and eyebrows will ensure that the hair will grow back thick and luscious.”

Yvonne

  • “One old myth: During pregnancy, don’t sweep the bed floor right underneath the bed… Baby will have lots of hair… Seriously I worry about those who believed this… Hygiene and cleanliness are more important…”

Gracia

  • “Never look at ugly people or monkeys and dogs during pregnancy. Heard from old folks”

Dawn

  • “Always comment n say how you like your baby’s facial features to be during pregnancy period n the truth will happen.”

Matthew

  • “Never paint or Knock your wall during pregnancy? Don’t try ya..”
  • “Never use scissor on the bed during pregnancy “
  • “Never fix wiring , ( I did ), then seriously Elias had his umbilical cord haywired. “

Samantha
“Don’t tickle the baby’s feet or he/she will be afraid to walk”
“Don’t say “wah baby you are getting heavy”. Will induce jealousy from the evil spirits”

Melody

  • “When baby suck his/her toe, u r he/she is going to have a bro/sis soon.. lol”

Olivia

  • “Don’t use anything sharp to cut on the bed when pregnant….. If not, the child will have cleft lips”
  • “Never wash hair and have the fan blowing on oneself within the first month after one has given birth, or you will have wind in your body (Tao Hong…lol)”

Kwee Huat Wee

  • “Do not let the young eat fish roe, otherwise they would grow up poor in their calculation.”

So there you have it, I’m sure the list is not exhaustive and in your time, you might have heard of new new ones, or some of these might stay to your time! Do add your own to this list and everyone can have a good time learning from it!
( Thanks to all contributors from #1303, you know who you are!)

Posted Dec 20, 2015

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Class Chit Chat

Before I start any class, I made a point to gather the students and did some pep talk. Well, you can call it a chit chat, a nag, or telling tales and stories. Perhaps it is public speaking practise for me.

I think as an ‘evergreen’ class, NUS Aikido will constantly face a challenge of a doctrine bleed. Which means certain practices and culture in the class will leave when the NUS student graduate and start their new life as working professionals. Very few will return to NUS to continue training and uphold the tradition, it is a fact. They will take away the experiences and practices, replaced with another batch of freshmen. So the reality it someone has to constantly remind them of Aikido etiquette and culture. Why we do this and that, and the dos and don’ts in the dojo.

So those newbies come with no idea how the Japanese conducts a martial arts class, so I pep talked them, doing some Corporate Communications perhaps, some Public Relations, making sure that Aikido’s brand values and propositions is constantly being upheld. That’s business jargon anyway.

More importantly, some of them have never met and only beginning to know Harry sensei, whereas I’ve been training with him for 2 decades. Like all human beings, he has his idiosyncrasies and there will be potential misunderstanding. It’s no secret that I am immensely proud to train under him and I constantly remind the student the privilege to receive Harry sensei’s teaching. And we must never take the class for granted, and do sloppy techniques, in doing so patronize him and pissing him off. I’ve said our class is ‘limited edition’, only a small group in Ceylon Sports Club and then there is NUS Aikido. Harry sensei is very well respected regionally and when I tell other people I train with Harry sensei, I always get a certain level of response as if there is an expectation on me to perform and conduct myself in a level reflecting that I’m Harry sensei’s student. I make sure that the new student knows that. Well, that is a heck of a lot of salesmanship there!

Also I explained to the newbies what Aikido is and is not, in my personal opinion, and this is to manage their expectations. I share with them why I joined, I was drawn into it by the Steven Seagal hype, many of the boys and girls don’t even know who Steven Seagal is anymore. I guide them into preparing them what to expect in class, not so much talking more doing, and certain unspoken rules and cultures.

Honestly, I’m not sure if my chit chat is appreciated or not, frankly I’m more bothered that if no one does it, the Aikido in NUS will lose the Aikido spirit, I can see that many of the students take Aikido class as another ‘class’ and other ‘lecture’ Yes, NUS Aikido is conducted in a University campus but in no way Aikido is another ‘lecture’. There are certain practices I hope to see discontinued when the opportunity arises. We need make sure that when an NUS Aikidoka visit other Aikido dojos, they carry with them basic courtesy and etiquette to help them forge ties and build friendship and most importantly, not bring disgrace to Harry sensei!

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Take a bow

We bow in Aikido, towards the front of the dojo, where a photograph of O’sensei is usually hung or placed. Some other dojos hung scrolls instead of O’sensei’s photo. In our old Bukit Merah Dojo, we hung O’sensei’s photograph and that of the 1st doshu, Kisshomaru Ueshiba, and a huge scroll.

Right now in NUS, Harry sensei replaced O’sensei’s photograph with a scroll, as he doesn’t want the students to mishandle O’sensei’s photograph.

“Bowing before class starts is like a recharge for me”

Anyway, we bowed to the front, and that for me starts my session in class, long before Harry sensei officially starts class. The first bow in class, for me is the most important bow. It is not religiously motivated, no I do not pray towards O’sensei. I bow because there is a deep reverence I have in me, and for me to practice Aikido well, I need to be mindful of that reverence.

As I bow, I think of many things that has happened. I extend my thought towards people I cared about, matters I cared about, sometimes, I bow to surrender to the day, I bow to get ‘turned on’ and mentally psych myself for the Aikido class ahead. It is no longer as simple as a bodily bow. when I bow my body, I let my mind settle on mindfulness of a couple of things, matters, situation people I care about or have came into my awareness.

I’ve long learned that the ‘beginner’s mind’ for me is to constantly return to the basic human fundamentals, my humility, my connection to the earth, my connection to people, to myself. Nowadays we are so connected to external devices that we no longer connect inside of us. And we continue to chase what is outside, using our precious energy in us to do that senseless chasing.

Bowing before class starts is like a recharge for me. I divorced myself of all those things that bothers me, and reconnects with the inside of me which is the more sustainable part, the more silent and deep part, where my wisdom resides. With a deep and long bow, I can connect and find the energy and calmness to handle class, the patience to deal with things.8545039169_eb9b76642f_n2.jpg

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Fake news is real

Fake news is real

Dear Boys,

We are bombarded with information all the time and more often than not, these inputs comes with a dash of ‘white lies’ or in a sense twisted perspective of the truth. You see, in my opinion, Truth is Relative.

People see things in a different dimension from us, just as we from them, and as much as I try to share and teach you boys things, you both will grow up with your own perspective and learning experience, no two person in this world thinks exactly alike.

prince william middle finger
This?
prince william three finger
Or this?

Individualism

It is more prevalent in this era where individuals are glorified. Of course every single human life is precious and every single person’s opinion matters. This forms the basis of democracy where politicians tries to ‘talk’ to every single one of us and make us vote in favour of them. Every single vote counts in their favour (or not).

While being an individual these days empowers us to have our own voice, let’s not forget every single individual coming together makes a collective, societal movement, which can change the tides in a real world environment.

What is Fake news?

Fake news has existed long before the internet, in my times, they are known as tabloids. They always kind of juice up news like “My Husband was a UFO Alien in Disguise.

In fact, the first Men In Black, Tommy Lee Jones taught Will Smith to check the ‘hot sheets’ which Will Smith called them ‘newspaper tabloids’.

You don’t see tabloids nowadays as they have evolved into the virtual realm.

Fake news are not just mundane crap like. “Zoe Tay is a man!” (she isn’t!) Michael Jackson is white! (He isn’t either!) but more insidious things like, “Teen gang attacks Indian construction workers in broad daylight.” Or “Airline pilots used simulators to train for their new aircraft”

You see, those 2 ‘news’, sounds plausibly true, perhaps. But the way it was presented hints that public safety is at risk, ‘broad daylight‘, is the streets safe anymore? ‘used simulators‘- implied the pilots are not well trained to fly the actual planes.

It is not just about the headlines.

Well, it is more than that, these spin doctors can create an entirely fictitious story and sell it as the truth. There will be plots, characters and twists that mimics real life and people will lap it up as the stories are created to look like the real life. #wagthedog

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Wag the Dog

Trolls, what are they?

These are not the cuddly cute cartoon trolls. We are talking about internet trolls, these are very smart computer people, who came together to create news, propaganda and disseminate them through various information channels. Their aim is to sway the mass of people for or against their agenda, and sow discord. They are the new generation of spin doctors.

Information are spread through various decentralised platforms, a person can film a controversial incident and put in on their own personal blog, very much like mine, and it is somehow picked up by news agencies, and the it can spread. That is the somewhat old school way.

These days with Artificial Intelligence, controversial news can be twisted and sent out via bots, and within seconds, becomes viral, generating thousands of ‘likes’ topping internet traffic. And people who are not careful about reading deeper, will get caught up in this news, and start getting lead on. I’m not a tech geek but that’s the gist of it.

It is all about the emotions

The whole point is to stir the public emotions. While I mention that individualism is prized these days, Trolls are using viral news to move the masses, one by one, targeting individuals and their values. Before you know it, everyone will be caught in the movement which can bring about an uncontrolled consequences. You may be an individual, but when a collective societal emotional wave comes, you will be caught up in that movement and get swept away by it.

Singapore’s context

We are small, and fake news, if  not kept in check can have a devastating social consequences. I just read an article about how Fake News started a war in Ukraine, we can never be too complacent about what we read and disseminate.

At the rate people are reading news via social media these days, it is very easy to plant a sensational news and stir the public sentiments. Especially in Singapore, you can target what is said in out Singapore Pledge. Race, Language or Religion.

But Trolls are smarter than that, they target daily affairs, such as our love for Durians- indicating that Durians from Malaysia has high levels of insecticides, and if people buy into this, business can be hurt, both in Singapore and Malaysia.

Individual Opinions

You might say that well, you are educated and surely be smart enough to spot fake news and not fall prey to such scams. ( “4 in 5 Singaporeans confident in spotting fake news but 90 per cent wrong when put to the test-The Straits Times-SEP 27, 2018)

These are the kind of people the trolls target, educated, literate people who knows social media, and are affluent to help them spread and brag how smart (and right) they are. So they plant these seemingly real, but fake news in your head. As long as you think it is plausible, it will become possible, if you think hard enough. And sometimes, you really cannot tell apart fact from fiction.

S.U.R.E

No I’m not promoting National Library Board in anyway, but they have launched a campaign to combat fake news and they used a simple but catchy phrase. ‘S.U.R.E’

S.U.R.E. distills key Information Literacy (IL) concepts into 4 simple ways:

Source: Look as its origins. Is it trustworthy?

Understand: Know what you’re reading. Search for clarity.

Research: Dig deeper. Go beyond the initial source.

Evaluate: Find the balance. Exercise fair judgement.

So make SURE you are going through that thought process when you read about something, always cross reference your findings since google is always so readily available. Then again what you read in google might not always be the truth. Like what is said on the last part: ” Exercise fair judgement.”

Links:

https://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/cnainsider/how-fake-news-sparked-war-ukraine-russia-crimea-select-committee-11055154?cid=fbcna&fbclid=IwAR3Kawxtg39s1DIP4gPYCbQv84_l20xyv30Ad7jHtvChGXQqBZx2HYXrJs4

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/4-in-5-singaporeans-confident-in-spotting-fake-news-but-90-per-cent-wrong-when-put-to-the

https://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/singapore/select-committee-fake-news-online-falsehoods-recommendations-10739834

http://www.nlb.gov.sg/sure/category/fake-news/

https://www.betterinternet.sg/

Adultery, Affairs, and Infidelity

Adultery, Affairs, and Infidelity

Dear boys,

In your lifetime, you will hear about people getting into affairs and other kinds of unfaithful relationships, husband cheating on wife, and wife cheating on husband.

It’s not so much a bragging (depends on which angle you are bragging from, more about it later), your mother is my only female relationship I have (and  I don’t have any male sexual relationships, at all, just so we are clear on that!). I don’t have any girlfriends before her, when I’m with her. Without her, I think I’d probably be single. I’m not a fantastically marketable guy.

Why do people have affairs?

I’m not subject matter expert for obvious reasons, but here is my take on relationships.

One at a time. please.

This applies when I was dating your mum. There is no need for me to get into multiple ones during courtship, and there is no need for me to get into multiple relationships after marriage.

Well some marriage does go south for some personal reason, and if it is because of a third party, nothing good will come out of it. But if whatever it is, annul the marriage properly before getting in bed with another partner, and good luck with that one.

Nothing good can come out of an affair

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Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston

The most memorable one was the marriage between Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston (circa 2000-2005). It was a typical glitzy Hollywood marriage, and then came Angelina Jolie. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (circa 2006-2016) met during their movie Mr and Mrs Smith and not long after that, Brad Pitt divorced Jennifer Aniston, and then eventually married Angelina Jolie, only to divorce in 2016. Well, everyone’s an expert on hindsight, but this was a union built on deceit, and without making sure that the new relationship is build on trust and openness, it will be doomed for divorce just like the first one.

Mr & Mrs Smith

“If you are having an affair, you will be telling her lies so that she can sleep with you, and she will be telling you lies so that she can sleep with you.”

It is built on lies

Getting married and saying that vow is a big thing. Making that vow works day in and day out is a bigger thing. It is much bigger than anything you can accomplish in your lifetime, staying faithful to only one partner, till death.

Once you have said the vow and all, the marriage is legal and official. Don’t screw around after that, and if you want to screw around, don’t settle down. This was the mantra I have when I was with your mum. I was very clear I will only date one, at a time, full and 110% attention and effort to make it work, and if it doesn’t for whatever reasons, call it quits, before we look out for other options. That’s how I told your mum. And she was just as committed to me as well.

The commitment doesn’t change even after we tied the knot.

There is no love in an affair

Come on, don’t kid yourself when your lover tells you there is love. There is no love in an affair, there is lust.

Lust is something you have to manage and control. Biologically, we men wants to propagate the planet with our seeds, but once you have settled down with one partner, stay faithful to that partner. You may let your eyes stray and get attracted to pretty girls and sweet young things (SYT), but always keep your dick in your pants, the moment you are married.

Well, unless you think its a bragging rights to say you are able to have multiple sexual partners to prove your attractiveness and manhood. That is not wrong in anyway, but it will lead you to a different life and consequence.

Sexually Transmitted Disease

I’m a realist. I told your mum, I am 110% against illicit sexual affairs, precisely because of STD. It is not AIDS, or HIV I’m particularly afraid of, it is those venereal disease, which spreads if you have multiple sexual partners. It is just about my love for her, I do not want to get infected sleeping around, then come back and infect her and then both of us are literally screwed, and you boys end up picking up the pieces.

Let’s be frank, your lover will tell you that you are her one and only, and I’m sure to get into her skirt, you’ll probably say she’s the only other one, besides the wife.

Sure.

If you are having an affair, you will be telling her lies so that she can sleep with you, and she will be telling you lies so that she can sleep with you.

At the end of the day, you will come home after sleeping around outside, contract some weird STD,  and when you have sexual intercourse with your wife, you are going to pass whatever rotten disease to her. And as luck, or the lack of it, would have it, both of you will get into a tonne of problem, all because of a loose dick.

It is a zero sum game

It is not exciting, and it is not a very mature thing to do. I don’t know why they called it ‘Adultery’ but it is certainly not one of the most adult thing you can do. Be a good and faithful spouse, to me is an Adult thing. So don’t ever try adultery. This is my parting shot. Like I said it, if things don’t work out in your marriage, that’s fine, shit happens. So end it nicely, legally, before you get into another one. There is no winning sleeping around when you are married, everyone in it stands to lose. And if you have kids, the ultimate losers will be your children.

Karma is a bitch

While I am not a firm believer in Karma, I believe in consequences. Sometimes, the bad shit I do, has consequences on my children, the both of you. As an adult, I am always ready and willing to bear the consequences of any of my wrongdoings. But sometimes, things isn’t so clean cut. Shit flows down, and the last thing I want is for the both of you to clear up my shit, like what I have to eventually do for my parents.

So getting into a sexual relationships other than with your mum, is a big no, no for me. There is too much at stake for me to f**k around. Literally.

Our Neighbour- The Kwoks

Mr and Mrs Kwok

Dear Boys,

People often say that ‘Friends are the family we choose.’ There’s nothing much said about the neigbours living next door to us.

While we have many good neighbours, which is another topic that’s too long to write about, I just want to tell you both about the ‘Kwoks’ well, that’s what we call them.

Hit off at first sight

I remembered when we first got our house keys, we were of course excited about it, and from what I can recalled, The Kwoks was here first, they moved in slightly earlier than us, and has pretty much settled down.

It was quite an occasion, and we did made some noise, and left our front door open, which is typical, then The Kwoks, kind of peeped in, when they got home and we welcomed them in, that’s where we hit off.

They were genuinely very nice and we could click, just like that. It was really a rare thing that both of our families got off so well. They brought a kind of comfort and warmth into our new home that very day and both your mum and I liked them, for their down to earth, unpretentious personality. They weren’t proud or trying to act like they were superior in anyway.

Both Mrs

As both were stay at home mum, your mum and Mrs Kwok hit off. Although Mrs Kwok was a good many years older, she could communicate with your mum, and there is no generation gap whatsoever. Over the decades, both families has shared many things, and none of us kept a score. It was pure goodwill where we lend each other stuffs, cooked and shared food, and even shared purchases in this age of online shopping.

We got so close that your mum even taught Esther, their eldest daughter tuition during her primary school days and right now as I typed she has completed her ‘O’ levels, how time flies!

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Mr Kwok and Esther during Wayne’s 5th birthday

Looking out for each other

It was kind of unspoken, we were neighbours and we shared things. We even share the shoe rack outside our house. The shoe rack’s ours but we straddled it between our door and theirs so they also put their shoes on our rack. It wasn’t overbearing on both side thankfully. They didn’t hoard the rack, and they knew not to put too many shoes on it.

When we go for our respective family holidays, we will lookout for each other and help to clear any flyers stuck to our doors. Sometimes, they’d tell us when they will be away and even if they didn’t, we would know they are gone for a short trip and just clear their flyers.

When you boys were younger and your mum needed to rush off to get somethings done, and leave the both of you at home, Mrs Kwok would gladly babysit the both of you until your mum is back, and sometimes, we would tell her that you both are at home and she’d keep her door open in case you boys needed to shout out to her for help.

And of course, we do, trust her with our house keys, when we need to.

Shared values

It helps we bind at first sight and it is pure goodwill on both sides. Like everything in life, there are good and bad stuffs, even with neighbors, we are thankful there is more good stuff to share with them than the bad. We are both constantly and unconditionally helping each other, and looking out for each other, which is more than we can look for in a neighbour as awesome as The Kwoks

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Why Aikido Sucks

Why Aikido Sucks

There’s always been question about the effectiveness of Aikido. Of late, with social media and YouTube, the voices are getting louder about what Aikido is or is not, and all those things about how ‘good’ is Aikido?

Without too going too much into the details of the argument, and if we do, the cow will never get to come home.

“It’s the singer, not the song.”

Commitment, focus, intensity and loyalty

I too have questions about how ‘good’ Aikido is as a martial arts, but the crux of the question is, how good is my Aikido? How good am I as a martial artist?

And I am not that good.

Training, training, and training

It all boils down to clocking the time in training, and since Aikido is an incredibly difficult art to be proficient in and you really need a lot of time on the mat to get the moves right. You cannot just attend training twice a week and say: “Okay, I’m good in it.” The moves in Aikido involves E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G, the body, the mind, and the soul. An Aikidoka needs to be mentally, physically, psychologically, and spiritually trained, and it is a long, long process.

The motor movement for a punch in the face is simple, or at a more complex level, a straight kick, is also quite straightforward. Even a take down, or shoulder throw can be executed by novice, with minimal training. Things are not so straightforward with Aikido. To successfully execute an Irimi-Nage, takes years of practice, and even with that, things can still go wrong. There is so many moving parts that needs to come together for Irimi-Nage to happen, and when it does, it can be a very effective moves where the opponent, once, caught, has no way of escaping.

Stop thinking the song is bad, just start singing and enjoy singing it, you will get better, and so will the song.

Top Tier Aikidoka

When you don’t train enough, you talk about training. I’m saying it because I am also guilty of not training enough, and talking too much. While there is no world ranking in Aikido, no top 100 Billboard charts to say who’s who, we may never know how good an Aikidoka really is. And since there is no competition to determine the top-dog, everyone is talking about how good they are and showing off all over the internet.

There are very good Aikidokas, I’m sure, folks with really skillful moves and they are off the grid. No one knows who they are or how good they are. All they do is train, and train hard, with no interest in telling anyone, or the world, they are good.

These are the fame-less and un-famous ones. These Aikidokas are really skilled, technically competent and finds no need to show off. They train with commitment, perhaps 4-5 times a week, focused in training and dedicated to the art, no matter what people says. They live, breath, eat and poop Aikido, and they have no question about their ability with Aikido.

Outcome

I’m not out to permanently address any arguments about how good or bad Aikido is, that’s not the point. I know how good or bad my Aikido is, and I need more training, for sure. One other thing I know for sure; the human body is all about conditioning, you train the body hard, it becomes an instrument, a tool. That’s all the body is, a functional mechanism; you will get better in what you put time to.

So if you put in an insane amount of time in training, you will become very good in your Aikido, and at the same time you will be mentally, and psychologically sharp. Things will flow around you, and techniques will happen. Your opponents will maim themselves trying to get to you, because that’s the design of Aikido, help you get around people without you having to do much.

Effortless effort.

Before anyone can reach that level of effortlessness, we all need to train hard, train long. It takes a lot of effort to appear effortless, so when anyone take a look at an Aikido video, they only see the flow and question why the uke so willingly takes a fall.

Okay. There are some bad videos about Aikido (mine included) and some really good ones.

With a trained eye, you can see those really ‘good’ ones, where the uke have no choice but to fall. And the nage is executing a very simple, direct, close contact technique. There is no fancy twirl, no dance-like movement, it’s mostly straight take down, pins and throws. If such techniques is used on an untrained person, the outcome is predictable.

The ukes in those videos has put in an insane amount of training so that they can skillfully work around the pins, take downs and throws safely, without injury. Of course with a very well trained ukes, a nage can also effortlessly execute, nice fanciful throws, dramatic pins and awesome take downs, if you see those, then these I would consider ‘showmanship aikido’. It’s done for a performance.

A Difficult Song to Sing

Aikido is a very difficult art to master, which is why there is so much misunderstanding about it. Generally, other martial arts have a kind of baby steps for practitioners to learn. Basic kata for beginners and advanced katas for senior belts. There is a kind of structure that helps the practitioners get better.

The problem with learning Aikido is the free-form style. Basically, we do the same Irimi-Nage, beginners and senior belts alike. The difference, is our understanding and depth in the technique. And going back to Irimi-Nage- it is a very technically challenging technique even for an advanced student, and beginners have to start grappling with it very early in their journey into Aikido. There are tonnes of doubts beginners have (I still have them!) about Irimi-Nage, some used those doubts to fuel for their training, some turn those doubts into answers, as to why Aikido don’t work. The only way to find out what Aikido can do, is to turn up for training, preferably-5 times a week.

So are you a bad singer, singing a very difficult song? Stop thinking the song is bad, just start singing and enjoy singing it, you will get better, and so will the song.

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