It was on the news lately that Singaporeans between the age of 21 to 35 years of age are not actively dating, or have not seriously been in a relationship before. I felt a little sad, but there is a lot of truth on the ground. I know of many good friends in that age group who are wonderful people, and would make a great life partner. They are single, most likely not dating.
One and only
I think had I not met your mum, I would have fallen into that category as well. I’m a ‘metrovert’, (I invent this term now), since I was neither introverted nor extroverted. And because I have my natural quirks, it makes me a little bit of an oddball. Besides, when I met your mum, I was a secondary 2 drop-out. Her parents voiced concerns about my background, but since then I’ve gotten my due in education (which is no big deal). In short, I’m odd, and given the current socio-eco climate, people has become so ego-centric, they have no time for others, other than themselves. And I don’t think I’ll stand out that great, there are other younger, taller, richer more suave guys out there, I don’t stand a chance getting a mate, right now; so thank you, Wife.
Your mum was my first girlfriend and that’s that, I hadn’t dated anyone, called anyone else ‘girlfriend’ other than her. I went out briefly with a girl called ‘Chris’, she was a tad older than me, practised Tae Kwon Do (not that well, too be honest), a staunch vegetarian, for a fanatical religious reasons. I went out with her a couple of times, and by and large we came to a conclusion we are better off as friends, toasted on it, and moved on. It wasn’t a relationship per se, since we never got pass the ‘testing’ and ‘feeling’ phase. It was a good call.
I’m quite an unromantic, given that I lay down my ‘terms and conditions’ in my 5 year plan and my then girlfriend, your mum, loved it. In that sense, I was lucky.
Love in 2017
It bothered me a little, as I think about the people around me, when I take the train, eat in foodcourt, and the colleagues I worked with, there are a lot of good people out there, and they deserved to be in a relationship with other good people. What complicates the matter is all about ‘ego’. Men are too proud, women are too beautiful. And both men and women are too smart.
It takes us away from the crux of relationship, being together, for the better or worse of things. But if everyone puts the outcome in front and wants certain, certain criteria, then the bond between human will not happen. Women wants to be the proverbial ‘tai tai’, the men wants trophy wife. Then nothing happens from there.
Relationship is about getting together. It was never about marriage, even though it will end up as such. I met your mum, not looking for a wife, I think she is a great person to be with, she cares about me, and allows me to care about her. She is a smart person and is often sensitive to the needs of others. She is still, after all a woman, and is terribly afraid of cockroaches and other creepies. I hate them too, and would get a restraining order against them if I can; but I am often tasked to catch them, and kill them. A Man’s Job.
I wouldn’t want to go that far as to tell you boys, what she sees in me, that will borders bragging, but I think as a man, her lifelong companion, I’m doing okay. Perhaps I am someone she can bear with for the rest of her life. That is good enough for me.
This is the number one excuse, people are busy, busy, busy, these days, trying to pay bills, meet KPIs, and other work stuffs. Even where there are free time, we busy ourselves with Facebook, phone games, Korean dramas, and other self indulging activities. Even when we go on a social event, we are still so stuck on trying to find a person for ‘me’ instead of thinking the other way around, trying to figure out how ‘me’ can be suitable for the someone else out there.
The ironic thing about Facebook and other social media, is the pun., ‘Social Media’, it is supposed to bring people together, and it did, virtually. Now people no longer have that need to be social, on a physical, face to face, sit down and dine, get-to-know-you-in-person kind of social. Everything we need to know about a person, we go into Facebook, twitter, Instagram to find and learn about them. There is no need for us to go out and meet people anymore. And while we are on a social media CSI, we quickly turn to our Candy Crush and make sure we hit a new personal level. With so much to do in social media, it is no wonder we cannot find time to get to know other people better!
So all the time we have, the equivocal 24 hours, is mostly spent on ‘me’. There is no time of other, so how can we be in a seriously dating others, when we are so deep in dating ourselves?
There is no quick remedy. People always lament that the life in Singapore is always so fast paced, its work, work, and work. The competition is intense. There are always this excuse of foreigners taking away our jobs. We have parents to feed, bills to pay, and ooh, I have dragon boat training, and then there are medicure, and pedicure appointments. The list goes on.
The only way through that hubbub is to listen to your deep needs, pick these pointers and listen to them:
- There are friends out there who is in need of a company.
- Pick up the phone and call someone, instead of just sending a text, or worse, an emoticon.
- Be sincere, be funny, be vulnerable.
- Let people know how you feel, instead of what you think.
- Stay away from religion, politics, gender and racial issues until you both are very much comfortable.
- Don’t think of a date as a date, think of it as meeting a good friend and getting to know that person over and over again.
- Learn to accept others as they are.
- Don’t be intimidated if your partner is holding a more senior post professionally, earns more than you, smarter than you, or prettier than you (This is for the men!)
- Always be there for the person, make you the go-to person for this friend’s needs, whatever it may be.
- Drop whatever you are doing, especially that damned smart phone, and pay attention to your friend. 100% in-person attention is so rare nowadays, that when you do that, you immediately rise above the crowded crowd.
- Don’t attempt a bullshit on your partner, no sweet talk, no cheeky remarks, no wise-ass jokes, that might come off as corny, lame or roll-eyes, unless you are really a genuine sweet talker, cheeky wise-ass, corny kind of person.
- It doesn’t always have to be the guys first. Your mum, made the first move. She took the bait. LOL
The Good News
The news article says that Singleton Singaporeans are thinking of marriage, which is good, but that is too much of an outcome. A lot of things can happen, and marriages can end up in the dreaded ‘D’, divorce. So while we thinking wedding bells, we need to get out more, find a life companion, regardless if it ends up in marriage. While I was prepared to get married, the back of my head, I was prepared more for companionship, and marriage is just a formality. Without a good companion, there is no marriage. So go out there and find a good companion, get to know people, love life, and what it brings, and please, get the damn smart-phone out of the way. It is a human to human thing.